// Est. 1991 — Still shipping. Still sharp.
Not your average code monkey, innit.
Microprocessors to microservices. Compilers to cloud.
Games, robots, rockets, govts, defence — he's done the lot.
Started writing code when Sonic the Hedgehog was still a valid cultural reference and the internet was a bloke with a modem in a cupboard. Been at it ever since — and hasn't slowed down once.
Worked on systems so small they run on 8kb of RAM, and platforms so large they'd make your cloud bill weep. From firmware baked into military hardware to citizen-scale apps that'd go down in history if they weren't classified.
Tech Bruv doesn't do buzzwords. Doesn't do bloated frameworks for the sake of it. Doesn't do "we've always done it this way." Brings precision, speed, and a cheeky spark that keeps even the gnarliest legacy codebase honest.
The quintessential minimalist — laptop, coffee, noise-cancelling headphones, a questionable number of terminal windows, and enough raw output to embarrass a dev team of ten. Proper sorted, innit.
Born in the era of 8-bit assembly and dial-up modems. First program: a loop that printed "hello" until someone pulled the plug. Some say it's still running.
Write less code. Solve the actual problem. Avoid cleverness unless it earns its keep. Ship early, refine forever, never apologise for semicolons.
Brings the relentless drive of a US tech bro but with dry wit, proper tea breaks, and a complete inability to take unnecessary meetings seriously.
AI systems that don't hallucinate, edge computing for constrained devices, and making databases perform tricks that would make their creators uncomfortable.
"If it runs on silicon, he's shipped it.
If it breaks, he's already fixed it.
If it doesn't exist yet — give him a weekend."
— carved into a commit message, circa 2019
Bare-metal firmware for real-time path planning on constrained hardware. Sub-5ms decision loops. No RTOS. Just tight assembly and very cold coffee.
Designed the core ingestion and query layer for a govt platform serving millions. Zero-downtime deploys. GDPR-native. Still humming along nicely, ta very much.
Deployed transformer-class models on devices with <512MB RAM. Quantised, pruned, ported, and optimised until it ran at a speed nobody thought was possible.
Written over a long weekend in a fit of "how hard can it be." Turns out: very. But it shipped. Runs at 120fps on mid-range hardware. No Unity. No Unreal. Just maths and spite.
Computer vision + control loop for industrial robotics. Replaced a process that took 4 humans, 8 hours, and lots of swearing. Now runs in 12 minutes. Unattended.
Custom-built gateway handling 2M+ req/sec with P99 latency under 8ms. Written because the off-the-shelf options were, frankly, embarrassing at that scale.
If you've got a gnarly engineering problem, a project that's gone sideways, or you simply want to work with someone who genuinely gives a toss about the code they write — drop a line.
No agencies. No recruiters pitching "exciting opportunities" for things he already invented. No decks. Just a brief, honest description of what you're building.